I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
