Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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