eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
