JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
