You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
