I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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