Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
