I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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