I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
