the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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