I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
