I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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