I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Congratulations! We have a period
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