Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
