just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
