The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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