Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
