dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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