Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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