why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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