Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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