I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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