put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
