She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
