i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
