She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
