I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Two words: nipple clamps
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