I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
