Buhtt sex?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
