I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
