there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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