he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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