Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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