I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
