Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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