I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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