Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
