hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
