My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
