is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
