I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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