We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
