HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
