So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
