also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
