I look better un-naked...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
