Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
