I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
