Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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