We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
