With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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