I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
