Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize