last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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