It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
