She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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