With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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