my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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