I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
