fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
