all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize