i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
