He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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