I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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