Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Fuck appropriateness.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
