I cannot find my penis.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
