She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
