I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize