Your face is a jimmy john
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
