Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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