we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
