I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize