I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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