I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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