paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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