who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
