Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
