The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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