is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
that's an acceptable place to lick
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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