i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
