i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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