my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
