This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
