Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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