...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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