when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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