I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
