I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Congratulations! We have a period
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
