I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
