dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize