If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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