Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
