Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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