Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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