I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
