I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
