Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
