He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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