OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
