I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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