I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
