Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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