Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
