Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize