He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
