i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
